I'm about to change your life

Let me start off by saying that I love me some pineapple but hate hate hate cutting it. Pineapple is the biggest pain in the ass fruit ever. Give me a watermelon any day over a stupid pineapple. 

Kev enjoys pineapple and there have been plenty of times when it was on sale and he bought one and I whined endlessly about not wanting to cut it. Believe me, my whining is just as awesome as it sounds. So, I refuse to cut pineapple. There are several fruits and vegetables that I'm "over", like asparagus and kale and pineapple. Done. If the pineapple isn't already cut and cored in a container, I don't want it.

Well, one thing Kev kinda despises are devices that only do one thing. A knife is great because you can cut all sorts of things with it. A cherry pitter, not so much. Despite all this, I'd heard tales of a device that cored and sliced pineapples, all in one fell swoop.

I was intrigued.

When I was at Kroger on Saturday, over by the... wait for it.... pineapples, I saw it. The elusive corer / slicer thingy. For a mere $7, I took the plunge.

But Lara, how does it work???

Cut the top off the pineapple. Put it to the side. Arrange all 3 pieces not at all artistically so you can take a picture of it. 

The end has a serrated edge, and you jam it in the center of the pineapple.

Then you start twisting and pushing down at the same time. Use two hands. For safety. There's a not sharp, well, it might be, I didn't touch it. Don't touch it and hurt yourself if you have a sharp one. 

There's a may or may not be sharp edge that cuts the pineapple as you push down and twist. It makes spiral pineapple. 

YES SPIRAL PINEAPPLE!

Squee!

You kinda have to wiggle it a little to get the pineapple out but when you do, it's glorious.

When you're done and the fruit is out, it looks like this.

If you took out the core, it would be perfect for tropical boozy beverages, or smoothies, or to hold other fruit at your luau. The possibilities really are endless. 

After you take out the fruit, the yellow handle thing comes off and you can slide it off the
center plastic piece.

Then you cut it in half and put it in an unattractive bowl.

Is your life changed? I know mine is.

What's your favorite one use kitchen gadget?

The Tale of Ninja Ham. Or When I Made Too Much Brunch

It's that time of year again, Choir Brunch! I can't believe this is the 3rd year I've recapped the brunch and something like the 10th year we've done it. 

Check out the 2015 recap

and the 2014 recap too

As usual, it went off without a hitch, everything was great but I made too damn much brunch and I had errant ham, but I'll talk about that in a minute.

I expected 25-30 people, that's how many RSVPd, and about 18-20 showed up. On top of that. I made too much of a few things. 

I have a lot of food left. Like, a LOT. Good news is, I have a team made up mostly of 20ish year old guys and they'll eat all the things. 

So, what did I make?

Aunt Neet's Cheesey Potatoes

I made this the last 2 years and it went insanely fast. Of all the things I have left over, there is NONE of this. It is pretty flipping amazing, even though I had 0 tastes. I had 0 tastes of all the things and ate my Jenny Craig like a good weight loss blogger. Yes, it's all about balance and all that shit, but you know what? I want to wear my pants again. I can make batches of any of this food after I'm closer to my goal. Bud I digress.

While I was prepping the potatoes the day before, I had a conundrum that I was unable to solve. 

THERE WAS HAM IN THERE.

Potatoes and ham and cheese all go together EXCEPT I don't know where the heck the ham came from. Seriously, I searched everything and there's  NO REASON for errant ham.

I used frozen TJs potatoes, sour cream, onions, cheese, cream of chicken soup (really) and butter. NONE of those things have ham hiding in them. I looked at all the bags/containers and NONE had ham. My pan was clean too, that's not leftover Easter ham bits. it's real fricking ninja ham. 

I left it in there, because the dish is already not vegetarian and yum, ham.

Parmesan Cheese dip with Crab. I had a pack of a Tastefully Simple dip in the pantry and a can of crab meat, and some chips and easy yummy dip.

I put it in the broiler until it was golden brown

Raspberry Jam Bars

Mini Pecan Pie Muffins - Does anyone remember Homemade Gourmet from back in the day? It was a direct sale company that sold delicious mixes. They got bought buy Tastefully Simple a few years ago and since then the former founder has put out a line of cookbooks with the old recipes. The Mini Pecan Pie Muffins were one of the best sellers and they're sooooo good. The recipe is totally on point and tastes just like they used to.

Blueberry Muffin Bread - Kev wants this every year and this is one of the things I made too much of. The folks at work killed an entire tray in less than 25 minutes.

Fruit -  Watermelon, blackberries, blueberries and strawberries

Homemade Cinnamon Rolls - For Christmas I tried my hand at real cinnamon rolls. Like I used yeast and didn't kill it, and it rose overnight and in the morning I had beautiful Cinnamon Rolls. Well, I made 2 batches, and instead of 12 teach batch made 16, and then I had 32 Cinnamon Rolls which was far too many. (They destroyed a pan of these at work Monday too.)

And I cut them in half... 64.

Apple Upside down French Toast - This is Kev's favorite and I make it every year.

Veggie Egg Bake - EVERY year this is the first to go. This time, I have 3/4 of the pan left. My brother has plenty of egg bake to eat. There were 21 eggs in here, spinach, mixed blend cheese, peppers, onions and broccoli.

Sausage Egg Bake - Again, 21 Eggs, cooked sausage, green peppers, onions and cheddar cheese. There was only 1 serving of this left and Kev ate it for breakfast the next day.

Bacon! Need I say more?

Kev went to the Whole Foods Breakfast bar that morning and filled up a box of cooked bacon from the bar. You have to be kinda stealthy about it, because they don't really want you to fill a box with bacon, but you totally can.

We kept it in the warming drawer. Kev wants to have the warming drawer full of bacon all the time. It's not a terrible idea... And yea, that was all eaten.

That's all for me! Have a great Tuesday!

How to class up yo' table

Sometimes I see blog posts and think, dang, is that really a blog topic? But heck, I guess that's the beauty of blogging, you can post whatever you want because it's the internet. heck, if a cat playing the piano can get 4 million views, my BS can too.

When I had the choir brunch a few weeks ago, I fancied up my napkins and while I was doing it, I thought, let me take some pictures of this in case I need a blog post one day. Then I sat on it for a while and wondered if anyone would really care. But heck, I write about things that only 3 people care about all the time, why should this be any different?

So here it is, how to class up your table when you have guests. 

Let's say you have a large group of people coming over and you need to set out napkins. Cause you're fancy and stuff and instead of setting a roll of paper towels out on the table, you bought some of the "premium" napkins. While they're nice, it's hard to separate them and a plain ole stack of white napkins isn't exactly "stylin".  Now you can fancy this -ish up!

1. Take 'yo stack of plain ass white napkins.

2. Make a fist and punch it in the center of the boring napkin pile.

3. Start twisting your fist while pressing into the pile of napkins. Look at them start to spread!

Keep pressing and twisting.

Until your pile looks like this!

You can also use a glass for the same effect, but then I'd have to get a glass and put it away. All about efficiency folks!

And that's how you can class up yo' table.

Scenes from the Weekend - Choir Brunch Edition

This Sunday was our annual choir brunch. Every year Kev's choir sings their last service of the year until the fall and afterwards they all descend on our house for brunchy goodness. As usual, I was running late this year and didn't plan the menu until Weds last week. Really though, this is the 6th or 7th year I've done this, I've got it down to a science.

Always use the baking spray with flour when the recipe tells you to. If not, you have to run to Target at 7pm and buy some. 

I remembered blogging about the brunch last year, it was one of my first few posts. You can check it out here. Then I thought, shit. I missed my one year blog-a-versary. It was 5/25. Just one short year ago I was bored at work, knowing I was interviewing for a new job and instead of submitting resumes on-line I decided to start another blog. (No really, I swear I worked up until the very last minute I was there.) I have a give away in the works, I'm just gathering the last few items, I should have it up by next Monday.

Alright, on to the weekend. Friday I said goodbye to 2 of my former advisees and wished them well as they went off into the real world. 

The super awesome cr2f designed this print that I gave to my former advisee turned intern on her last day in the office. I thought it was perfect. If I were a betting woman, (which I totally am) I'd expect to see one of her fantastic prints as part of the give away.

Friday after work, I met up with my other former advisee for drinks and dinner, I promised her 3 years ago that I'd take her for drinks when she graduated. She's moving to NYC in a week and I needed to make good on my promise. We went to Jose and Sons where I had 1.5 margaritas that were quite delicious.

Really though, I'm so proud of both of them. It's a little bittersweet to watch them grow up and go off into the real world but I know they'll be crazy successful and have amazing lives. Sniff, Sniff.

I woke up Saturday morning firmly on the struggle bus. It was like I was hung over but I only had a drink and a half. It was a rough morning and I did jack squat until I left for my hair appointment at 1:30. Well, I did watch a few episodes of the X-Files. More on that later.

My roots were out of control.

Then I came home and started prepping for the party, at 4pm. I've never started this late before, never. I was a little nervous. Fine, a lot nervous. The day before I make all the baked goods and prep everything that needs cooked the next day.

Then this happened. When the recipe says to use the special baking spray, you need to use it. If not, you have to go to Target at 7pm and get it, because the mini pecan pie muffins weren't going to happen without them. 

I also needed some Sterno for the chaffing dish which is MUCH harder to find than you'd think. I walked all over Target only to discover they don't sell it. Then, in desperation I went to Wal-Mart, because that's where you go to buy things you set in fire, right? Nope. I asked 3 people and no one knew what Sterno was. I gave up and then I had to pee which made me panic. The thought of having to go into a Wal-Mart bathroom makes me want to shower with hot water and bleach. Thankfully I work out and my squat game is strong. 

I made it home, and finished prepping. We got a new fridge and moved the old one into the garage. It's the best. thing. ever. All my prepping went straight in there and freed up so much space in my fridge. 

Alight, onto what I made. It's sadly similar to what I did last year, and the year before, and the year before.... Kev loves certain things and wants me to make them year after year. So I do. 

Fruit bowl - Watermelon, raspberries, blueberries, blackberries and strawberries.

Homemade Gourmet Mini Pecan Pie Muffins - Have you heard of Homemade Gourmet? It was a direct sales company that made AMAZING mixes and all you had to do was add the wet ingredients. Similar to Tastefully Simple and actually Tastefully Simple bought them several years ago and HG is no more. I was a rep for the company and LOVED so many of their things. 

Well, the lady who started HG published some e-cookbooks with all of her HG recipes in them. There's actually an affiliate link on the right side of the blog if you want to get one. 

In the Breads cookbook is the recipe for the mini pecan pie muffins which was a HUGE seller. So good and crazy simple to make. Just be sure to use the right baking spray...

Berry Jam Bars - Kev LOVES these and wants them every time I need to make a dessert. 

Auntie Nell's Blueberry Muffin Bread - You can read the story and get the recipe here. It's the best blueberry muffin recipe you'll ever eat. No, really, it is. Try it once and you'll be hooked.

Trader Joe's Assorted Macrons - You can get these in the freezer dessert section at Trader Joe's and they're ah-mazing. I think it's $3.99 for a 12 pack and they taste just like the ones that are $2 apiece at the fancy bakeries.

Mimosas - Enough said. Classy blue solo cups...

Upside Down Apple French Toast - This is Kev's very most favorite breakfast item and it will never leave the menu.

Veggie Egg Bake - I used 20 eggs, shreddy cheese, sauteed onions, broccoli, green and red peppers.

Aunt Neet's Cheesy Hashbown Casserole - A family favorite. It's such a 1960's recipe, full of butter, sour cream, cheese and a can of cream of chicken soup, covered with cornflakes. Eat it and don't think about it. It was annihilated.

Sausage Balls with Dijon Mayo Dip - It's a Paula Dean recipe, sausage, cheese and Bisquick. I don't know how these 3 ingredients make so much delicious.

Cheesy Eggs - Instead of another egg bake, I made 24 scrambled eggs and put them in the crock pot to stay warm. As I write this, I realize that I used a crap-ton of cheese. 5 bags to be exact. I also went though 6 dozen eggs and 3 packages of butter, No shame in my dairy game. 

The party was a huge success and they ate almost everything. I have some cheesy eggs left and a few muffins, but that was it. Not too shabby folks, not to shabby...

I did have to go to the grocery store and get food for the week, we were out of eggs....

Have a great Monday everyone!

Linking up with BLoved Boston!

I Baked and Baked and Baked Some More

This Sunday Kev and I hosted our annual choir brunch. Kev is a choir director and every year to celebrate the end of the season we host a brunch at the house. This is the 8th (I think) year we've been doing it and it's always a good time. A lot of work but a good time!

The day before I like to get all of the baking finished and as much prep as possible.Some things like cutting the fruit is better left for the morning of, but for the most part I'd rather spend the morning of getting on last minute touches. Saturday was spent making all of the treats, prepping the french toast, the egg bake fix-ins, the sausage balls and the dip. 

Sunday morning I finsihed setting the table, cleaned the kitchen and started cooking. I was having issues with the bake times this year. It started with the Smores bars the day before and lasted the entire day. I know it's because I overfilled the oven but I was seriously panicing at 1145am when the egg bakes were just going in. I started with the sausage balls at 10am and after they were finished put them in a chafing dish on the table. The I put in the Cheesy Hashbrowns. This year I realized that while the recipe calls for frozen hash browns, you should really de-frost them before attempting to bake.They took 90 minutes. Lesson learned. By some miracle I actually managed to get everything finished by 12:15 which was perfect. I did end up cooking the cheese toasts in the toaster oven, 9 at a time. But hey, they were ready on time!

So, what did I make?

Disclaimer: Not a BIT of this is detox approved. I confess that I had a pinch of the the baked goods to make sure they were table worthy but that was it. I was 98% on the detox on Saturday. 

The Brunch Line Up:

Ham, Cheese, Green Pepper and Onion Egg Bake - I used 15 eggs, an entire ham slice, a pepper, half an onion and enough cheese to make it look good. Bake at 350 for 40ish minutes

Vege and Cheese Egg Bake with Broccoli, green peppers, onions and tomatoes (I completely forgot to add the spinach). I sauteed the veges the day before to soften them up and the morning of added 12 eggs, threw it in a pan and baked for 40 minutes.

Upside down Apple French Toast - There are a few recipes floating around the Internet for apple french toast and this is is the one that is hands down the best. It's Kev's favorite and he requests it every year. Over the years I have made some adjustments to this recipe, for example, I used probably 8 apples and it took a loaf and a half of the Challah bread to fill my giant pan. I also cut the bread in cubes before soaking it in the egg and milk mixture, it's much easier for guests to scoop it off the platter that way.

Aunt Neet's Cheesy Hashbrowns - This is my grandma's sister's recipe and it's straight from the 60s. They lived in a small town in Ohio and the recipes from that town and that era definitely have their own... flair. It's delicious and full of ingredients we would never use today. I'm pretty good about disclosing all my ingredients but I was a little worried that they wouldn't eat it if they knew what was in there. I told the guests that even though it seems vegetarian, it's not and don't ask why.

Sausage Balls  - This is a new to me recipe and the addition of the cream cheese was quite nice. They were a little "Bisquicky" for me but I made a double batch and every last one was eaten. I also whipped up a dijon mustard / mayo dip for them which I think really helped

French Onion Dip with Gruyere Toast - Make this! Make this now and eat it and cry happy tears. It's the thyme that makes it so delicious. But when you spread it on cheesy toast, it's seriously the best dip I've eaten in a long time. I also had pita chips for dipping as well. There was a little bit of this left and Kev ate it for dinner.

Soft and Gooey Smores Bars - I had some trouble getting these to bake and I think I cooked them too long.  They were still delicious but I felt the marshmallows baked in a little too much. They did make a delicious crusty top. I think the problem might have been that I made 2 batches and put them in at the same time? I'll try again with just a single batch and see how it goes. Oh, I also used Trader Joe's Cinnamon Grahams which are AMAZING.

Blackberry Jam Shortbread Bars - I've made these several times over the last few years and they never disappoint. I use a blackberry jam from Trader Joe's which is delicious but you can use any type of jam. If Kev liked cherries I would use a cherry jam, I think it would be delicious.

Watermelon and Cantaloupe  

Lemon Almond Bread - This bread is a new staple for events, it's so, so good. (This one I took a tiny taste and it was definitely worth it!) I just love how this turned out. I added some doTerra Lemon essential oil to the batter (used it in place of the lemon zest) and added a few drops to the glaze. It gave the bread an amazing, tart lemon flavor. The presentation is also gorgeous. It's just pretty. Pretty and delicious. 

I ran out of canola oil for the second loaf and subbed about 1/4 cup of olive oil. I couldn't tell a difference in the taste but the color was a little darker. I liked the texture of the canola oil version a little better but you could sub if it's all you had on hand. 

Blueberry Muffin Bread - This is another family recipe and it's just stupid good. I'm going to do a separate post and share the recipe. It's amazing.

All in all, it was a huge success! I had a lot of sweets left over and I swear, I can never plan from year to year. Sometimes they eat all the treats and others they go for the savory. This was definitely a savory year. I plated up the leftovers and took them to work. They were gone in an hour. Engineers love treats and I can always count on them to take care of anything left in the break room.

If anyone needs me, I'll be taking a break from baking for a while!

What's the biggest party you've ever thrown at your house?